August 14, 2017

Talk About Finances Before Living Together After 50

Take our "Living Together After 50 Financial Quiz" to learn what you need to know and discuss before moving in together.
Dawn Doebler, MBA, CPA, CFP®, CDFA®, Senior Wealth Advisor

Love can happen at any age and with the rise of “Gray Divorce,” it’s happening again more frequently for those over age 50. But instead of walking down the aisle another time, many older couples are opting to live together instead.    

While we think of cohabitators as being younger, recent studies suggest an increasing number of older adults are moving in with their romantic partner.  According to the Pew Research Center, the number of cohabiting adults ages 50 and older grew by 75% from 2007 to 2016.  This age category had a faster rate of growth than any other age group over that time period!

The financial implications of older adults who decide to live together are very different than younger couples. When you factor in additional dynamics of children and grandchildren from previous marriages, health considerations as couples age and the wealth each person brings to the relationship, there’s a lot to consider. We created a short (6 question) Living Together After 50 Financial Quiz to give you a better idea of the questions you should ask yourself and your partner before sharing the same address.

Carefully planning your finances before moving in with a partner, and continuing to address finances throughout cohabitation is critical to protecting your wealth for the long term. 

Start by talking about finances

Whether your married, dating or thinking about living together, talking about your finances on a regular basis should be a priority in your romantic relationship.  But one of the challenges in the early stages of cohabitation is that many couples have little knowledge of each others’ overall financial situation.  Simple details such as your total wealth or debt levels simply aren’t discussed.  This can make planning for current expenses, as well as saving for future larger expenditures more difficult.  

Ideally, you should start having money conversations with your partner before you move in together.  While you may have a general sense of someone’s financial situation if you’re in a relationship with them, you should know more specific details about their finances before agreeing to live together.  At a minimum, you should have a clear understanding of basic financial matters such as income sources, outstanding debt and obligations to former spouses or family members.  This information can help you make decisions about how to split household expenses such as utilities and food and when deciding how to split discretionary expenses like entertainment and travel. 

Think twice before comingling accounts

Getting a joint credit card or joint bank account may seem like a simpler way to address expenses you share with your partner, but we recommend, at least in the early stages of a relationship, you not comingle any assets or credit, especially if your partner has a history of prior credit issues or an unstable work history.  Doing so can lead to you into debt that you may not want or claims on your assets with implications long after a relationship has ended.  A better idea is to keep accounts separate and have a written agreement on exactly how costs are shared. 

Alimony and pension benefits may be affected, so read the fine print

While your motivation to live together may be based on an assumption that sharing a roof will improve your financial security, there are several specific situations where moving in with your partner can be a detriment to your wealth.  One example is when one or both partners are receiving some form of pension benefits.  In many cases, it’s remarriage that affects pension, military, or veterans benefits, but you’ll still want to confirm with your pension plan administrators that having a live-in partner won’t affect your benefits. 

While it used to be only remarriage that triggered the end of alimony, many divorce agreements now stipulate that alimony ceases in the case of cohabitation.  So, if you or your partner depend on any of these benefits to cover living expenses, you’ll first want to fully understand any potential loss of benefits if you cohabitate, especially if you intend to get married in the future.

Consider a “no-nup” agreement

To protect personal assets, you’ll also want to understand the laws regarding common law marriage in the state where you live.  At your death, the state could render your cohabitation a “common law marriage” and your partner might have a claim on your assets. This could be an unpleasant surprise for your heirs.

If your state does recognize common law marriage, you’ll want to seek legal help and develop a cohabitation agreement with your partner.  Often dubbed a “no-nup,” these agreements state that you don’t intend to marry, and that you mutually agree not to make any property claims against each other should you split up or should one of you die. A no-nup can cover other agreements about your living situation, like how expenses will be split and any other assumptions considered important enough to document in writing.    

Keep good financial records

Another way to help protect assets acquired during the relationship is to keep major purchases separate with documentation on the source of funds for each purchase.  This is critical because if you are unmarried, you don’t have legal protection or a claim to joint assets if you don’t have documentation. You could also handle this by documenting the amount each person contributed to the purchase and an agreement (or a section in the no-nup) as to who takes the property in case of a split. 

Since your home is often the largest asset either you or your partner has, having clear agreements upfront regarding housing costs will go a long way towards protecting that valuable asset.  Questions to answer include:  How will the home be titled? If only one person owns the home, how are costs split? Who pays for the mortgage, taxes, insurance, and major repairs?  What happens if one of the parties passes away – does their partner have a right to continue living in the property? Are the heirs of the deceased protected?  All of these questions should be answered and documented in writing to protect both you, your partner and your respective heirs.

If you rent instead of own, we recommend putting both names on the lease.  That way, even if your landlord has a claim on you alone for the rent, you’ll have a higher likelihood of being able to take legal action against your partner should you split up.  And if you both own homes, consider renting the extra place, so there’s a backup plan until you’re certain the new living arrangement works out.

Consider long-term care needs and costs

Another overlooked risk to finances is potential long-term care costs.  While this is certainly more likely in older couples, disability, high medical bills, or expensive long-term care needs can arise at any age. 

For some couples, this may be a reason to stay unmarried, especially if they reside in a state that imposes a legal duty for spouses to support each other’s long-term care costs. The reality, however, is that even absent a formal legal “duty” to cover care, if you have a partner who suddenly needs care, how will you respond?  Will their children expect your assistance either financially or in time spent caregiving?  How will your own children feel if your assets are used to support a non-married partner?

In the midst of a health crisis, these questions become difficult to address and can put the wealthier partner’s assets at risk.  We recommend that couples consider purchasing long-term care policies or earmarking funds to cover each person’s potential care needs.  Also, be sure you are aware of any health conditions that render your partner uninsurable as those conditions may persist throughout your lifetimes.   

Along with considering the costs of healthcare, decision-making during a health crisis is more complicated for couples who are not married. That’s because unmarried partners do not have the legal right to obtain medical information, or have a say in medical decisions.  The only way to provide access to medical information is by signing a Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA) medical release allowing providers to give your medical information to your partner. If you want them to be able to make decisions for you, then you’ll also need to have a health care proxy and/or a durable power of attorney for health care.  To empower someone to make financial decisions for you, you’ll also need a durable power of attorney.  Since your partner may be the first one to be notified in case of emergency, you’ll want these documents in place now to save time during a crisis.  

Don’t assume anything

One final caution, some people rely on their partner financially and may even be tempted to make significant financial decisions – like buying a home together or quitting their job.  Before taking the step to move in with a partner, and certainly before making a significant financial decision, use our tips above and take our Living Together After 50 Quiz below to confirm that you’ve considered all the implications these decisions may have on your current wealth and your ability to maintain and growth your wealth throughout your lifetime.



Shawn: Now you hear all kinds of deals about leasing cars, how can you negotiate a better deal if you want to lease?

Nina: Okay, well many people don't realize that they can actually negotiate the sticker price on a leased car in the same way that you would do that if you're buying a car. And since when you lease -- when you're, you know, your lease payments basically cover the depreciation, the difference between the sales price and the residual value. So it's definitely in your best interest to try to reduce that sales price as much as possible because then you'll pay you know, smaller dollars over the life of the lease. Make sure you pay attention to the down payment at the lease signing. And so here's an example, you might see an ad that says you know, lease payment is only 1.99 a month and that sounds like a great deal for thirty six months. The catch is, is that it might require a $3,600 down payment. So, if you amortize the down payment, then actually that 1.99 special, becomes 2.99. So, you really have to kind of look at total costs. 

And then lastly, dealerships use the term, money or lease factor, when they're calculating your financing costs and a lease factor is not the same as an interest rate. So, you have to make sure the dealer converts that lease factor into a comparable interest rate so you know what your financing charges are. 

Shawn: At the end of the day, does one method wind up being more expensive more often than the other, or can we tell that?

Nina: You know what, it really depends on how long, if you're going to hold the car for a long time, you're better off buying. But if you know, and if you're not, if you just really enjoy driving and you want to have a new car, then go ahead and lease. I mean, there's pros and cons to both, to be honest with you, it's not one size fits all.

Shawn: Alright Nina, great. Happy Thanksgiving to you. Alright, Nina Mitchell is with The Colony Group, for more go to and search Her Wealth.

Sign up to receive the guide

Consider this your training manual to get and stay financially fit for life!

Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form
Dawn Doebler, MBA, CPA, CFP®, CDFA®, Senior Wealth Advisor

Dawn’s experience spans more that 25 years providing wealth management, financial planning and corporate finance solutions for clients. As an MBA, CPA, Certified Financial Planner (CFP®), and a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA®), she is uniquely qualified to understand the challenges and financial needs of clients from executives to entrepreneurs, as well as single breadwinner parents. Dawn is a weekly contributor to WTOP radio.